Caislen Campaign Notes

• *The Magnificent(He insists the full title is used every single time)
• Race: Bronze Dragonborn¹⁾ (claims bronze is from mustard tanning)
• Ukulele²⁾
• He introduces himself the exact same way every time³⁾, even if they’ve met him six times already:
• “Greetings, adventurers! I am Mustard Mike the Magnificent™, pioneer of the world’s 83rd-most-important condiment. Have you accepted mustard into your heart as your lord and savor?”⁴⁾
• Level 5 Bard. Chaotic Neutral (Florida Man subtype)
• First encountered in Goldvale.
  • For awhile joined the land pirate crew.

• When Mike uses the Warlock Well the entity he makes a deal with involves Mustardia, officially linking mustard themed elements in this campaign.
• Sir Fee is was down to the ground to work a temp job as the doorman at The Card House while waiting for Mike to show up with the Land Pirates.
• Eventually during a game session⁵⁾ they meet and wander off from the tavern for a chat. This coincides with The Party getting into a tavern brawl and then heading off to Krymec's Vault and leaving town, unable to know what transpired with the talk between Sir Fee & Mustard Mike.
• Mike shortly thereafter embraces a new role as the “Dragon Of Mustardia”.
• When The Party needs to find a Dragonborn in the Havenspass area, they manage to exploit the link between Mustard Mike and his ex-girlfriend Elvinara, whom he is still on suspiciously good terms with and visits every so often.

• Pre-Mustardia
  • A violently colorful Hawaiian shirt.
  • Cargo shorts with 37 pockets, every single one containing a different regional mustard or mustard related content.
  • Flip-flops carved from coconuts (even in a dungeon)
  • A straw hat that says “Kiss the Mustard”.
• As “Dragon Of Mustardia
  • Mustard Yellow Shield that looks impressive.
  • Real Shoes & armor.
  • Somehow still a violently colorful Hawaiian shirt.

• (he never shuts up about mustard)
• “This goblin blood? Too thin. Needs a coarse-ground mustard to give it body.”
• “Beholder eye stalks taste just like bratwurst if you slathered in honey mustard. ”
• “Back in my day we didn’t have all these fancy ‘healing potions’ — we had mustard and we LIKED it.”
• “That’s the power of MUSTARD, baby!”
• “You’re just jealous because the voices in your head don’t sound like Jimmy Buffett!”
• “In Florida we call that a snack!” (even though the party is nowhere near Florida and he’s never been there — he just heard the word once)

• Jar of Endless Mustard (doesn’t flow, but is never empty)
  • Used the Warlock Well and traded this in for a mustard finger ability. The details beyond that are sketchy still, as to what this means for him long term. Appears to be able to dispense mustard from one finger as will while pointing it.
• Invisibility Dijon
• Sovereign glue mustard
• Mustard of Sovereign Glue Removal (it’s just more sovereign glue mustard with lemon juice)

• Once wrestled a shambling plant in The Mistwood because “it looked at me funny and I’d been drinking fermented mustard mead.”
• Kept an awakened alligator named Pickles as an “emotional support service animal.” Pickles wears tiny Hawaiian shirts, usually that matched whatever Mike is wearing on any given day.
  • Pickles is now in the care of the Land Pirates.
  • Is technically “God Father” to Pickles. There's probably an unexplored back story there.
• Has been banned from three cities⁶⁾ for “operating an unlicensed mustard-based alchemical substance ring.”
• Believes every problem can be solved by either mustard or by fighting the problem shirtless.

• Shows up in random dungeons selling “Mike's Mustards”
• Always has plot coupons… but only trades them only for exotic new mustard ingredients (“I need three beholder eyestalks for my new recipe, champs!”)
• If they try to ditch him he just reappears later in some obnoxious way, blasting ukulele while screaming “MUSTAAAAAARD POWERRRRR!”

I dislike mustard and game nights have a lot of food coming, sometimes whole food themes, but there's never mustard around when my players want it to go with whatever we're eating in real life. They never remember to bring any if they need it either, and long story short I've taken a lot of flack for not having mustard around and this NPC is payback to harass them in game about mustard.