Caislen Campaign Notes

• Race: Bronze Dragonborn (claims bronze is from mustard tanning)
• Ukulele
• He introduces himself the exact same way every time, even if they’ve met him six times already:
• “Greetings, adventurers! I am Mustard Mike the Magnificent™, pioneer of the world’s 83rd-most-important condiment. Have you accepted mustard into your heart as your lord and savor?”
• Level 5 Bard. Chaotic Neutral (Florida Man subtype)

• A violently colorful Hawaiian shirt.
• Cargo shorts with 37 pockets, every single one containing a different regional mustard
• Flip-flops carved from coconuts (even in a dungeon)
• A straw hat that says “Kiss the Mustard”

• “This goblin blood? Too thin. Needs a coarse-ground mustard to give it body.”
• “Beholder eye stalks taste just like bratwurst if you slathered in honey mustard. ”
• “Back in my day we didn’t have all these fancy ‘healing potions’ — we had mustard and we LIKED it.”
• “That’s the power of MUSTARD, baby!”
• “You’re just jealous because the voices in your head don’t sound like Jimmy Buffett!”
• “In Florida we call that a snack!” (even though the party is nowhere near Florida and he’s never been there — he just heard the word once)

• Jar of Endless Mustard (doesn’t flow, but is never empty)
  • Used the Warlock Well and traded this in for a mustard finger ability.
• Invisibility Dijon
• Sovereign glue mustard
• Mustard of Sovereign Glue Removal (it’s just more sovereign glue mustard with lemon juice)

• Once wrestled a shambling mound because “it looked at me funny and I’d been drinking fermented mustard mead.”
• Keeps an awakened alligator named Pickles as a “service animal.” Pickles wears a tiny Hawaiian shirt. Tied up in front of Card House.
• Has been banned from three cities for “operating an unlicensed mustard-based alchemical substance ring.”
• Believes every problem can be solved by either mustard or by fighting the problem shirtless.

• Shows up in random dungeons selling “Mike’s Mustards”
• Always has plot coupons… but only trades them only for exotic new mustard ingredients (“I need three beholder eyestalks for my new recipe, champs!”)
• If they try to ditch him he just reappears later riding Pickles the alligator, blasting ukulele while screaming “MUSTAAAAAARD POWERRRRR!”

I dislike mustard and game nights have a lot of food coming, sometimes whole food themes, but there's never mustard around when my players want it to go with whatever we're eating in real life. They never remember to bring any if they need it either, and long story short I've taken a lot of flack for not having mustard around and this NPC is payback to harass them in game about mustard.